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Rabbi Yehuda {Leonard} Blank MS, BCC
Vice President of Professional Development and External Affairs
Chair of the Chaplaincy Commission
Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim
917-446-2126 rablenblank@gmail.com
<>May 8, 2025, Iyar 10, 5785<>
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PART ONE
Review of part one of last week’s Moments of Inspiration culminating with other ways of caring, not being judgmental which could lead to loshon hara and sinas chinam especially when dealing with sensitivity for one’s patients, and in dealing with shidduchim. Also important shidduch information. (This is a link to the entire Moments of Inspiration from May 1st, 2025.
Click here to read Moments of Inspiration May 1 2025
Our Ethics of Our Fathers, Pirke Avos begins with the theme of Torah, Avodah and Gemilus Chasadim. To do acts of kindness, gemilus chasadim is to do so because that is an obligation for us. Of course we should want to help others whether we know that person or not. It sure makes a difference if we are doing it because it is what H wants us to do . We are to do it with a meaningful desire to be kind and to do maysim tovim with all of our hearts.
From: Pirkei Avos Ethics Of The Fathers
The Pirkei Avos Treasury
The Sages Guide To Living
By Artscroll Mesorah Publications Lt. Volume 1 Page 15
G’s desire. Once R’ Yochanan ben Zakai an R” Yehoshua were leaving Jerusalem. They noticed the Temple lying in ruins. R”Yehoshua said, “Woe to us that the place where we sought forgiveness for our sins is destroyed!” R’ Yochanan ben Zakkai answered, “My son, don’t be upset. We have a means of achieving forgiveness which is equal to the Temple service-acts of kindness, as the verse states (Hosea 6:6): For loving -not sacrifice – was My desire” (Avos d’Rabbi Nosson 4)
The word chesed means to go beyond established boundaries. Hence, a chasid is one who goes beyond the letter of the law (lifnim meshuras hadin). Why is the term chesed appropriate for acts of kindness? R’Shlomo Freifeld explained: A person is by nature egocentric, only concerned with his own personal needs and desires. Only when one can go beyond the boundaries of his self-centeredness is he ready to do chesed.
The term gemilus chasadim literally means the repaying of a favor. Even when does a favor for someone he never met before, he is repaying the favors the G does for him. There is really no way to pay G back; the only thing we can do is to attempt to make up to Him by helping His children or creatures (R’ A.C. Feuer).”
“V’ al gemilus chasadim- and upon acts of loving-kindness. This is based on the verse in Psalms (89:3): For I said, The world will be built through kindness. Rambam (Hilchos Aivel 14:1) lists some of the most important acts of kindness: “It is a rabbinically ordained positive commandment to visit and inquire after the welfare of the sick, to remove the dead (for burial), to bring the bride to the wedding canopy, to accompany departing guests and to be involved with all burial preparations the bier, eulogizing, digging the grave, and burial. Similarly, [included in this rabbinic injunction is] gladdening the hearts of bride and groom. Even though all these mitzvos are rabbinically ordained, they are included in the Biblical mitzvah, You shall love your fellow as yourself (Leviticus 19:18). [This means that] all things that you want others to do for you, you should do for [one who is considered] your brother in Torah and mitzvos.” Yalkut (Hosea 524) quotes G: The acts of benevolence that you do for each other are dearer to Me than all the thousand sacrifices which King Soloman brought before Me.
Rambam explains the three items as a prescription for cosmic success. Through the pursuit of Torah knowledge (Torah), exemplary character traits (gemilus chasadim), and fulfillment of the mitzvos (avodah), the world will achieve a balanced perfection.
“Acts of kindness are greater than charity since they can be done for both the rich and the poor, while charity can be given only to the poor. Charity can be done with one’s money, while acts of loving-kindness can be performed both personally and with one’s money.”
From: Faith and Trust
By Rabbi Shemuel Houminer: “Tie One’s Thoughts to G’s Kindness” Pages 24, 25. “The Maggid of Mezritch explains the verse, “He who trusts in G will be surrounded by kindness” (Tehillim 32:10), to mean that a man’s soul clings to that which occupies his thoughts. Should his thoughts be tied to G’s judgment, his soul will be judged. When a person trusts in G’s attribute of kindness, his soul will cling there, and “kindness will surround him.” Therefore, he should constantly immerse himself in thoughts of G.
(Maggid of Mezritch)
“True Happiness” (ibid pages 24,25) The one who trusts in G is always happy, as the verse says, “Let our hearts rejoice, for we have trusted in His holy name” (Tehillim 33:21)
(Eved Ha-melech)
(ibid Pages 42,43) “Reinforce One’s Trust” “Hope in H. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Hope in H” (Tehillim 27:14). This verse commands us to trust in G, and to work on increasing this trust to the fullest.”
(Eved Ha-melech)
(ibid Pages 42, 43) “Further Reinforcement” “Tehillim (31:25) denotes the same theme. “Be strong and let your hearts take courage, all you who hope in H.”
Pesach is over. We wished each other “a gutten zummer” and now there are many new challenges in life. Whatever they may be, we are mispallel to overcome any difficulties and to be successful in all of our meaningful endeavors. Our prayer should also include having the willpower of never giving up hope and to have faith and trust in G. May we seek only positive outcomes but to also think of life caring for others with positivity and kindness. We hope never to speak loshon harah, not to find fault in others or e judgmental.
“The Chofetz Chaim’s caution in avoiding loshon horah was legendary. He wrote several seforim devoted to the subject, and his essays on it have been compiled in English under the title of Guard Your Tongue. They are require reading for every Jew interested in self-improvement.
The Chofetz Chaim once paid a visit to a prospective supporter of his yeshiva. When he arrived, the man, a wealthy businessman, was in the midst of preparing a telegram to his business partner. He rose to greet the Chofetz Chaim and engaged him in conversation. Soon it became apparent to the Chofetz Chaim that the discussion was leading to talk about a certain individual, and that loshon horah might ensue.
The Chofetz Chaim suddenly arose and glanced at the telegram on the man’s desk. “It looks as if you had carefully thought out every single word here,” he commented “for you’ve rewritten this several times.” “I certainly have” said the man. “Every unnecessary word here will cost me extra money.”
The Chofetz Chaim marveled at this. “If only everyone was as careful as this when choosing what to say!” he noted. Don’t they know that every unnecessary word they speak will cost them dearly in the World to Come?” “Keep your mouth from evil talk and live a life of peace.” (Derech Eretz Zuta)
From Lilmud Ullelameid From The Teachings Of Our Sages. The Jewish Education Program JEP by
PART TWO
After attending a wedding, bar mitzva or other happy occasion, do we discuss all the wonderful parts of the simcha, or have negative comments about the food, the music or how other people are dressed? After a Rabbi’s Shabbos speech do we find important significance and meaning to what he expounded upon and how his chizuk can have a positive impact on one’s life or do we have negative comments about his lengthy drasha? After a date or just by reading shidduch resumes and or pictures of men and women, what are one’s thoughts about that other person? Is it possible to be caring and sensitive with one’s opinions without serious negative comments?
The Chofetz Chaim was known for his immense sincerity, his desire of bringing shalom al Yisrael and for Klal Yisrael to not get caught in loshon harah that will lead to negative connotations and might very well be hurtful or lead to sinas chinan. There is such a thing called “human nature”. After all, we all succumb to speaking our words or sharing our thoughts that can be hurtful but as another saying goes “we are only human”. The essence of doing gemilus chasadim, of wanting to be a caring and kind person, following in the ways of H is something we all should strive to.
Healthcare chaplains are considered an integral part of the weekly team meetings with all the other disciplines such as doctors, nurses, social workers, therapists and other professionals. The chaplains share their spiritual and emotional and other aspects of care they give to those they minister to and are available for giving their loving spiritual care to their team colleagues as well. Discussions can also include various concerns patients, care givers and family members may have which they bring to the table for all to share their thoughts and advice. However, no matter what type of concerns or negative feelings they may have at the team meetings discussions are meant to be professional with sincere care and respect. Disparaging words should not be used whether the person is Jewish or not. We try to keep the appropriate standards of professionalism for all. It is truly unbecoming, especially of a chaplain to be found even in the privacy of one’s office speaking about others in a disrespectful way.
But what does this have to do with shidduchim? Lets take a look at how men and women or family members might discuss a date, a shidduch resume or the picture of a possible shidduch. It is one thing to be honest and another to share with others or the shadchan really negative comments and opinions. It is not only what you say but how you say it. The same with a shidduch resume and especially a picture of the woman or man. Does one take apart each piece of the picture of how he/she looks with negativity? It is not uncommon for a man to find the picture of a possible shidduch not so nice only to find her more attractive when on a date and her beauty was not just skin deep but everything about this woman was truly special. Ok, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. This discussion is not about personal tastes and desires but how one reacts, treats and discusses shidduchim in a kavodika way. It is important to have impeccable midos whether speaking on the phone or on a date. If the shidduch is not meant to proceed, one’s shidduch experience should always be with midos tovos. One must remember that everyone has feelings and it is important to be sensitive and concerned about another person’s feelings. We should also be mispallel for others to have hatzlacha in their quest to become a Chasson or a Kallah.
Rav Dovid Feinstien zt”l suggested that it is beneficial to ask a baal simcha for a brachah. This applies for parents too. We don’t know what the formula is for simchos to happen but our tefilos, our bakashos, our tzedakah, our gemilus chasadim, our Torah learning, our mitzvos and our kindness are all things that are righteous in the Eyes of H. We have to do our hishtadlus and everything is up to H.
With this in mind I will be promoting shidduch events that I hope are worthy to publicize for different age brackets beginning with the later twenties to the seventies. There are many who are marriage minded but have not as yet met their zivig. These events can be for those who never married, have been divorced, widow or widowers. The shidduch event must be only for Orthodox Jewish men and women who are marriage minded and run by well known established individuals or organizations. Each flyer must have all contact information and who is running or sponsoring the event. It is up to each individual interested in attending any of the events to do their research about the event. The events could be for any location in the USA or Canada. Please note, there is no guarantee every flyer for a shidduch event will be published. The flyer must only be in a Jpg or PDF form sent to my email address rablenblank@gmail.com . The flyer must be sent to me at least two weeks in advance of the event.. Thank you and Hatzlacha Rabba.
One last thought about shidduchim. I recently spoke to someone who attended a chasunah where there were at least two tables of young single women in their 30’s or 40’s. That reminded me about a chasunah held a while back where shadchanan who came to meet preassigned men and women who were marriage minded at a specific time during the simcha. Just throwing this idea out for those who might consider having this available at their next simcha.
“Reinforce One’s Trust” “Hope in H. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Hope in H” (Tehillim 27:14). This verse commands us to trust in G, and to work on increasing this trust to the fullest.”
Sincerely, Rabbi Yehuda Blank