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Rabbi Yehuda {Leonard} Blank MS, BCC
Vice President of Professional Development and External Affairs
Chair of the Chaplaincy Commission
Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim
917-446-2126 rablenblank@gmail.com
***July 31, 2025, 6, Av 5785***
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PLEASE BE MISPALLEL FOR MY DEAR CHASHUVA MECHUTAN
NASSON BAUMANN FOR A REFUAH SHELEIMA
Nasson ben Raitz
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The Nine Days, Tisha B’ Av the month of Elul and the Aseres Yemei Teshuva are days that brin to light how important it is to make every effort to avoid loshon harah that could lead to sinas chinam. Those days in particular remind us of the importance of having the attributes of kindness and good feelings towards one another, including greeting each other with a smile. It is important to reach out to others, especially those who are alone. There are other important attributes to have such as having compassion, being empathetic, being sincerity and caring for one another. Being respectful, courteous, forgiving and having good and proper midos are very important. Having faith and especially trust in a relationship such as a marriage, or friendship are so vital. Rabbi Goldberg shares so much and more of how we should feel not just on solemn days, but throughout the year.
The Best Nine Days You Ever Had
Just Say Hello
By: Rabbi Efrem Goldberg, Rabbi of The Boca Raton Synagogue in Florida.
Page 26. “I still remember vividly one of the strangest ads I have ever seen. When I was much younger, a restaurant in my neighborhood was promoting it special menu for the Nine Days, including fish special tofu dishes, and veggie burgers. But it was the final line in the ad, bold and in large letters, that caught my attention: It will be the best Nine Days you ever had.”
Best Nine Days you ever had? That is like saying, “We have an amazing menu planned for you, this will be the best shiva you will ever sit.” We don’t refrain from meat and wine during the Nine Days as a way to expand our palettes or as motivation to get us to experiment with new recipes.
These Nine Days are dedicated to focusing on our collective mourning and our communal grief for both the tragedies and calamities of our past and for the challenges and suffering that continue in our present. During these days, we abstain and refrain from things like meat, wine, laundry, music, and haircuts. But there is something in particular we should do more of during this time, an area we should increase our attention and focus on: saying hello to one another.
The Talmud (Yerushalami Taanis, Chapter 1) tells us that in Tisha B’ Av we don’t offer greetings, we don’t say hello to others. The Shulchan Aruch (555:20) records this practice, ein she’eilas shalom l’chaveiro b’Tisha B’ Av. The Aruch HaShulchan suggests a reason for this unusual law. Tisha B” Av isn’t a day of shalom, it isn’t a day for socializing and levity.
While lightheartedness is inconsistent with the essence of the day, specifically being cold to one another, and making ourselves distant and unfriendly, hardly seems like the cause of the destruction to begin with. Wouldn’t you think on this day we mark our suffering that resulted from baseless hatred we should explicitly go out of our way to be friendly, greet others, be warm to one another?
Our Prophets tells us that the destruction was caused by the cruelty we showed others. We criticized, marginalized, judged, and neglected those who needed our help and support. We made the vulnerable feel invisible, lonely, and outcast. As a result, yashva badad. H made us feel this way among the nations.
Perhaps the reason we don’t give shalom we don’t say hello to each other on Tisha B’ Av is so that each of us experiences what it feels like to be an out cast lonely, estranged, and deserted. By not exchanging greetings, by not saying hello, we learn what it feels like to be badad.
If we want to transform Tisha B’ Av from a day of mourning in which we are forbidden to greet, to a holiday, we must transform these Nine Days into days in which we are running to say hello, to offer warm greetings to one another, we must rush to make everyone feel and know they belong.
The Talmud testifies (Berachos 17a) about Rabban Yochanan ben Zakai that no one ever preceded him in greeting of Shalom, even a stranger in the marketplace.” The Mishna in Pirkei Avos (4:20) encourages us all, “Hevei makdim b’shalom kol Adam, be the first to greet each person without offering a greeting, you make him or her feel invisible and insignificant. By making a point of greeting someone you demonstrate that you don’t see yourself as superior of better than another. Rather , by instigating the greeting, you show that you respect that person as an individual and thereby you give them dignity and worth.
Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach’s brilliance was undeniable, and yet it was perhaps surpassed only by his humility and sensitivity to all. R’Chanoch Teller recounts the following anecdote: When Rav Shlomo Zalman passed away, a beggar in Sha’arei sobbed in her anguish: “Now who will say good morning to me every day?” (Mi yagid liboker tov?)”
Casually reaching our to people in our social circles can mean more than we realize. New research published last year in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found people tend to underestimate how much friends like hearing from them. An article summarizing the findings says: “Calling, texting or emailing a friend just to say “hello” might seem like an insignificant gesture- a chore, even that isn’t worth the effort, but it makes a huge difference and means an enormous amount to people. Researchers concluded that “To be functioning at our best, we need to be in a connected state. Just like you need to be connected to be functioning well.”
Someone who moved from one community shared with me that where they are from, on Shabbos people walk right by each other. In fact, if you say “Good Shabbos,” someone will give you a funny look and ask, “Do we know each other, do I know you, why are you talking to me?” In that community, smiling and greeting every person you pass is weird, peculiar and makes you stand out.
If we want to bring Moshiach, if we want to repair and redeem this world, we need to create a culture in which it is strange and peculiar to not say hello to everyone we meet. Wishing “Good Shabbos” to all we pass must become the standard, the default.
There is no time of the year in which more siyums are made than these nine days. While many love Torah learning, some allow themselves to celebrate ths siyum with meat and wine. Indeed, there are restaurants today that advertise siyums on the hour so people not even connected to the one making the siyum can attend and “celebrate” with a big steak.
The Baal Shem Tov was a proponent of Nine Days siyums. He suggested promoting siyums widely and publicly and specifically inviting many others to attend and participate. But here is the catch. While he encouraged a daily siyum he also advocated that no meat be eaten at the meal marking the siyum. The purpose of the gathering should be simply to say hello to each other, to socialize and greet and to communally bask in the light of Torah learning and Torah living. Attending such a siyum each night can truly make it the best nine days you ever had.
On Tisha B’ Av we can’t greet, we can’t fix the problem, we sit on the floor and cry about the churban going on around us, and in too many cases, inside of us. We cry and we grieve for the pain, but we must be prepared to get up off the floor and do something about it, to reach out and ensure that nobody is alone. At the end of Tisha B’ Av we are allowed to break the fast, but the question is which fast will we break first, our fasting from food or from friends? Will we reach first for a coffee or our cell phone? Will we first consume or connect?”
May Tisha B’ Av turn out to be a Yom Tov where sadness will turn to joy and happiness. Whatever the outcome will be, may our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu remain strong and steadfast throughout the year with each day getting stronger and stronger. May all of our lives remain strengthen with positivity. May we walk in the ways of H caring for and seeking opportunities of helping others to lift up their spirit and their lives. For all those we share our friendship with will only find goodness in their own lives as well. May we be able to share maysim tovim and words of inspiration.
From The Gentle Weapon. Prayers for Everyone and Not-So-Everyday Moments. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov. Jewish Lights Publishing.
Effective Words
G of wisdom,
Teach me the very words.
“teach me the very words
that will touch the hearts and souls
of others.
When a friend need
my understanding ear,
teach me the words to say
that will strengthen,
that will encourage,
that will express
only my love
and concern.”
Sincerely, Rabbi Yehuda Blank