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Rabbi Yehuda {Leonard} Blank MS, BCC
Vice President of Professional Development and External Affairs
Chair of the Chaplaincy Commission
Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim
917-446-2126  rablenblank@gmail.com
*January 16, 2025, Teves 16, 5785*
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There is a well known saying in Hebrew V’samachta B’chelko, be happy with what a person has in his or her life. True faith and trust in H, to be happy or satisfied, is truly special. Yet discussing having hope with a person going through a challenging time can be difficult. We truly believe that H Yisborach has already determined a person’s destiny by Rosh Hashanah but He has given us a bechirah, a choice, to change ones destiny. He has also given us the opportunity of being mispallel or beseeching Him with our bakashos and doing our hishtadus, making it possible to change destiny. Klal Yisrael cannot give up hope even during trying times as we are witnessing today. The English commentary at the end of Vayichi (49:25)”V’eis Shakkai in the Stone Edition of Chumash Bereishis, “And with Shakkai. When Joseph was tempted by Potiphar’s wife, his heart remained with G and he overcame his desire (Rashi). The Name Shakkai, often translated as All-Sufficient, refers to G as the One Who sets the proper limits of all things, good or bad. In the context of this verse, when Joseph needed G’s help to maintain his spiritual integrity-and in the future when Israel cries out to Him as Joseph did in his time of spiritual anguish- G will provide sufficient blessing for the people to prevail.”

If a person looks towards the future with a negative outlook in life, we should not make light of his or her feelings. When feasible, with understanding,  empathy and compassion, try to be with that person in the present and offer encouragement and hope. It is important to recognize that a person can be spiritual and not be religious. I have also been asked how it is possible for a person who is getting older not to feel less capable, less useful, and not the same as years before. Nobody can say he or she can do the same thing as when younger. But why dwell on the past no matter how good those days were and look at the positive things a person can do right now. A person can still find many things that can bring satisfaction, meaning and yes happiness in one’s life. Yes, even seeking a shidduch if that is his or her desire. Why not?  . Nothing is impossible. It is important to feel good about oneself . In fact, a positive thing to do is to look at how many things a person can accomplish each day. To give an example; There was a person in his senior years, who had retired some years before and was experiencing typical aches and pains but nothing of a serious medical nature and was feeling down and out. There were times when those aches and pains slowed him down. He was a widower and kept sharing what life was like when he was married. He shared how much he and his wife loved each other and all the things they did together. He mentioned how active he was and how work kept him going. In our many discussions, I asked him if there was one thing he could think of that was fulfilling that he achieved. After some thought, he found at least one thing worthwhile mentioning. That one item led him to share other things that he was doing that were worthwhile.  He still spoke about what life was like being married and if only he could find true love again. He wanted to know what my true feelings were and my thoughts about an older person getting married again, including myself.  But that is not for this discussion. I was not his therapist and he might have felt down and out at times, did not feel he was lost. I would not say this person was religious but there were things in a spiritual sense that he realized w special in his life. He kept kosher, attended several synagogue services especially when he would say kaddish and lit a candle on his parents yahrzeit. I was touched when he told me how grateful he was of our relationship and that I was never condescending or judgmental about his Judaism. He appreciated my encouragement and in finding positivity in his life. He was proud to have married a Jewish woman even though he might have fallen in love with a woman from any religion. He moved to a different state and misses that special relationship we had. He mentioned how he would try his best to keep Chanukah and if possible attend a seder on Passover especially to enjoy all the delicious Passover foods. I only heard from him once after he moved and that was in the middle of Pesach. He called to ask me to forgive him for not getting in touch with me before the holiday and wanted to know if he could sell me his chametz. He was very sincere. He told me he would make sure all of his non Passover foods would be in the kitchen closets. He shared with me different things of kindness and other meaningful things he was doing.  He asked me to wish him well in his new life which of course I did. I have not heard from him since. We could and should find goodness in every person. We should also recognize the spark of Judaism in every fellow Jew- with sincerity.

There is a well known saying “patience is a virtue.” There are things in this world we desire  and would pray for. Sometimes a person’s prayers would be answered right away and sometimes it might take time for a person to receive an answer. There is also the reality that it might never happen but only time will tell and during that time, to never give up hope. Everything is up to H. 

I would like to share a number of excerpts from Happiness and the Human Spirit. The Spirituality of Becoming the Best You Can Be by Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski MD.

“Something Else”

“The human spirit is an integral part of a human being, much the same as the heart, liver, eyes, and ears. The human body makes its needs known very dramatically through the feelings of hunger, thirst, anger,  [passion], pain, and weariness. We are immediately familiar with the body, and we do not have to think whether or not the body exists in reality.

The human spirit, however, although very real, is intangible. We cannot see or touch it, and it does not make its needs known as emphatically as the body does. Yet it is obvious that a human being comprises a body plus “something else.” The physical human body is essentially an animal body, with rather minor anatomical differences. But we do have a number of abilities that distinguish us from animals. These unique features comprise the human spirit. Animals, for instance, are motivated only by self-gratification, whereas humans have the ability to give of themselves even sacrificing their own comfort or belongings to help total strangers. These human features, these traits that makes us distinct from animals and unique as human beings, are the “something else “that defines the human spirit.” 

In addition to greater intelligence, some of the more obvious uniquely human features include:

  • the ability to be self-aware
  • the ability to be humble
  • the ability to choose
  • the ability to be patient
  • the ability to make the most out of circumstances
  • the ability to improve
  • the ability to be compassionate
  • the ability to have perspective
  • the ability to have purpose
  • the ability to search for truth
  • the ability to change

I group all of these features together and purpose that the sum total of all the traits that are unique to humans is what we refer to as the human spirit. Note that I am not saying we all have these traits. Rather, I am saying that we all have these abilities. For example, a person may or may not reflect on the purpose of existence, but every human being has the ability to do so.

This brings us full circle back to the question of happiness.

To become complete human beings, to find happiness, we need to develop our human spirits to the fullest. This is what it means to be spiritual: to be the best we can be- to exercise all the qualities and traits that are unique to humankind and that give us the identity as human beings. This spirituality is an integral component of being human, and we cannot have true and enduring happiness without it. Just as we need to have a sufficient amount of spirituality to avoid the chronic discontent of Spiritual Deficiency Syndrome. To put it another way, without spirituality, the pursuit of happiness is doomed to futility.

Often, it seems the meaning of the terms religion and spirituality are confused as being the same. I do not believe that they are the same. I believe that every person can be spiritual, regardless of the degree or even presence of formal religion. And I believe that we can learn a great deal about spirituality from each other.

“Now That’s Spiritual!”

(ibid) One of my patients taught me a  great lesson in what it means to be a spiritual person. On the day she was scheduled for a consultation, I happened to be in a bad mood. I had just bought a new automobile, fully loaded, but the cruise control was not accurate, fluctuating five miles per hour from where I set it. I was going to have to take it back to the dealer for an adjustment, which would cost me half a day.

Nora arrived for her appointment ecstatic and bubbling with happiness. She was eight months sober and was beginning to reap some of the rewards of sobriety. Her son was going to school all day, so she had found a full-time job, albeit at minimum wage. She had also found a suitable, inexpensive apartment for herself and her child. She thought she might even be able to save enough money to get her car fixed.
“What’s wrong with your car?” I asked.
“There is no reverse,” she said. “The reverse gear is broken.”
“How can you drive without a reverse regard?” I asked.
“Oh, you have to plan things out,” she said, “like how to park so you can get out without backing up. But I must remember that some people don’t have a car.”
If I could have dug a hole in the ground, I would have jumped in. I was in an irritable mood because the cruise control on my new, fully loaded car was five miles per hour off, while Nora was happy with a car that did not have reverse gear.
Nora taught me an important lesson in spirituality that day: happiness is not having the most but needing the least.

Nora demonstrated spiritual happiness in yet another way. She had been treated with chemotherapy for cancer and had lost all her hair. She now regularly visits her oncologist’s office to share her experience and lift up the spirits of cancer patients. She shows them a picture of her bald head when she was on chemo and says, “Look! My hair is thicker than ever! Chemotherapy was the greatest thing to happen to my hair!”

Just recently I received a Thanksgiving Day greeting from Nora: “I’m ten years sober and seven years cancer-free. Life is good. (And my car has a reverse gear!)”
Nora is a spiritual person.”

“After several years of marriage, Donna became concerned when she had not conceived. She made the rounds to all the specialists. Her family physician, after receiving all the reports, said to her, “Donna, you need to accept this. You will never be able to carry a child.”

Donna was crushed. However, she and her husband adopted a baby boy and subsequently a baby girl.
When Donna turned forty, she decided it was time that she give up smoking. She went through several weeks of much discomfort, but eventually felt better. Several months later she again began having unpleasant feelings, and when she consulted her physician, she found out she was pregnant!

Donna was overjoyed by this miracle. She knew she would have a son, who was going to be a Rhodes scholar like his daddy. “But my world turned dark when they put the baby in my arms the first time. He was a Down syndrome child. I was bitter and angry. “Gd, why did You do this to me? I had already resigned myself to not having a child. Why did You raise my hopes, only to deliver this crushing blow to me?
“Every night, Ed and I prayed over the crib. ‘Der G, you can do anything. Change him.’ Then one day G answered our prayers- by changing us!

“Now, if that child did not come into the world for any other reason but what I tell you now, it was all worth it. Because when I sit in the rocker, holding Andy, and I see the way his eyes are funny shaped and some other ways in which he is different, and I know how much I love that child with all his shortcomings, that’s when I can understand G can love me, even with all my shortcomings.”
Donna is a spiritual person.”

Faithfulness to Life

(ibid) “Spirituality and happiness are inseparable. If someone is missing an arm or a leg or has no vision, this does not detract from his “personhood.” He can very well be a whole person in spite of a physical lack. However, if someone lacks spirituality, this detracts from her very essence as a human being. She is not complete-and she is definitely not happy!

Consider for a moment another of Dr. Remen’s insights from My Grandfather’s Blessings (though I emphasize certain words with italics):

We are a culture that values mastery and control, that cultivates self-sufficiency, competence, independence. But in the shadow of these values lies a profound rejection of our human wholeness… In a highly technological world, we may forget our own goodness and place value instead on our skills and our expertise. But it is not our expertise that will restore the world. The future may depend less on our expertise that on our faithfulness to life.

“Faithfulness to life.” Faithfulness to being the persons we were created to be. Faithfulness to living our potential. This is the essence of a spiritual person: someone who is in the process of becoming the best person he or she can be. Many people have some spirituality, but not enough to satisfy the spirit. To be truly happy, we need to be continually in the process of exercising and implementing the elements of the human spirit to the best of our abilities. True happiness -and true spirituality – comes from becoming the best human beings we can be.”

Rabbi Dr. Twerski continues in his book Happiness and the Human Spirit -The Spirituality of Becoming the Best You Can Be, 10 Steps to Happiness.

Step 1. “I am aware that I have some shortcomings, and I want to become a better person.”
Step 2. “I realize that I can be in charge of my behavior.”
Step 3.” I realize that changing my character traits is a slow process, but I am willing to persist. I’m going to work on my character defects, one by one.”
Step 4.” I am going to look for ways to overcome my negative character traits.”
Step 5. “I will cultivate enjoyable spiritual experiences.”
Step 6. “I will give serious consideration to the relative importance of things.”
Step 7. “I will avoid things that are inimical to my spirituality.”
Step 8. “I will laugh more.”
Step 9. “I will work to keep setbacks from discouraging me.”
Step 10. “I realize there is never an end to spiritual growth.”
I hope to share some excerpts from the above 10 steps in forthcoming articles.

We truly have to have faith in ourselves to share from our hearts the essence of spirituality. We all go through difficulties and challenges in life. Life is like  a bowl of cherries. The cherries are delicious as well as having positive health benefits. Yet the cherries also have pits that should not be swallowed, Sometimes we have to take a step or two back and sincerely listen to the concerns and issues a person we are offering help to without thinking how it is best not to get involved. Being involved with those we are ministering to is what it is all about, to open our hearts with empathy and care as if that persons was our own flesh and blood.  Often there is nothing that can be said but just to listen and be sympathetic. I personally know of parents whose child(ren) were born with a missing limb, Down Syndrome, stillborn, waiting to make a bris of a child with a life limited expectancy, couples whose last minute shidduch broke off, men and women of diverse ages and backgrounds seeking shidduchim and requesting brachos, end of life and hospice patients ranging from pediatrics through the senior years and so much more.  I once asked Rav Dovid Feinstein zt’l how he was able to deal with the multitudes of situations the average person would not be able to bare and he discussed the importance of listening, of giving the appropriate chizuk, knowing what type of brachos a person was seeking and for what purpose and to join with simcha and happiness with whatever simcha a person was sharing with him. Rav Dovid was such an amazing spiritual person. I can attest not just from all that he shared with others but from a personal sense of what he instilled in me. There were times when I was going through some trying times and he was firm in his advice, inspiration and chizuk.  I was asked how I could be so optimistic, so positive, uplifting in life with a happy disposition and demeanor. I could respond that it comes natural but I will not. I truly don’t have an answer. I love the Ribono shel Olam. I try to take things in stride and truly believe H has a “hand” in everything.  I’ve been told I’m a people person, able to communicate with anyone. Well in all honesty, I have had wonderful role models including my parents, family members, exceptional mentors, and Avraham Avinu. Nothing comes easy. Nothing comes naturally. We have to believe in our faith and our trust in H. We have to be willing to admit to ourselves we are not perfect but H guides us towards that perfection of always trying to do our best and to hold that which is dear to us close to our hearts. We must never give up hope nor feel if we cannot excel in one thing that we cannot excel in something else. All of this plus more is part of the encouragement we can give to others. We can instill in those we minister to that it is possible to give it ones best – nothing is impossible. That is what encouragement is all about. Spirituality, goodness, happiness is not just for a select few. Avraham Avinu and Sarah Imeinu was able to spread the love and the light of H to the masses wherever they went. We too can truly follow in their footsteps. Loving G is for all mankind of all backgrounds. With our love for H, for His Torah and His mitzvos we can accomplish much. 

From: The Gentle Weapon
Prayers for Everyday and Not-So-Everyday Moments
Timeless Wisdom from the Teachings of the Hasidic Master
Rebbi Nachman of Breslov
Jewish Lights Publishing
IN G’S WILL
G, I want
to be so many things,
to do so much,
to achieve so endlessly-
but can anyone
be everything,
do everything
have everything?
You alone understand
the fragile balance of my soul.
You’ve invested in me
the potential
to make of that balance
a perfect creation.
Now help me fashion myself
into just such a creation,
“in accordance with Your Will.”

Sincerely, Rabbi Yehuda Blank