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Rabbi Yehuda {Leonard} Blank MS, BCC
Vice President of Professional Development and External Affairs
Chair of the Chaplaincy Commission
Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim
917-446-2126  rablenblank@gmail.com
= December 12, 2024, Kislev 11, 5785=
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THE MILITARY AND VA CHAPLAINCY CONFERENCE
HAS BEEN RESCHEDULED FOR JANUARY 9, 2025
THIS CONFERENCE IS NOT JUST FOR CHAPLAINS.
SEE FLYER BELOW

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MEVATER

It is not easy to be forgiving. It is not easy to overcome anger. How does one overcome ill feelings, not to be jealous, not to feel slighted? How to overcome the urge to speak loshan horah about someone that could chas veshalom lead to sinas chinam. 

I was at a wedding and someone who was dancing near me kicked me in my ankle. Did it hurt? Yes it did. When I came home and took off  my socks I saw  a  swollen ankle. What was my reaction? Several people came over  wanting to know how  I was including the person who kicked me.

I was at a sheva berachos and the person handing me the becher for benching spilled the wine on my jacket sleeve. He then took a napkin not knowing that is had cream on it from a cream pie to wipe the spilled wine. The sleeve now was now wet from the wine and greasy and white from the cream. Another person took a napkin to try to wipe the cream off only to spread more cream on the sleeve. Both felt terrible and were expecting a certain response from me. What do you think my responses were?

The importance of being mevater a spouse or friend is immeasurable. To be able to overcome feelings of being upset, to be forgiving, to find and give goodness and not anger with angry words of hatred is important. To be able to shrug off those negative feelings and to be forgiving is not an easy task but it can become part of a person’s demeanor which is a tremendous attribute. Bringing shalom and loving kindness into the world is integral even when one least expects it.  

I would like to share this heartwarming story. The new rabbi of a town was being shown the rabbi’s home that he and his family would be living in. When he entered the house, the rabbi noticed a certain smell. He was asked what kind of smell and he responded, a smell of what Gan Eden would smell like. The rabbi and family who lived here previously must have been very special. The person showing him the house shared a remarkable story that happened one Erev Pesach. While the parents were shopping for Pesach the children stayed at home with their caregiver. The children were hungry and the caregiver searched the kitchen pantries for any type of food but the kitchen and all the pantry closets were empty, with the exception of a box of crackers. When the rabbi returned home from his Pesach shopping the caregiver told him that the children were hungry and she was fortunate to have found a box of crackers. The rabbi thanked the woman with a smile. The caregiver was not Jewish so she did not know why those crackers were in the pantry. As you can imagine, those crackers were  expensive shmurah matzos, but they were Erev Pesach matzos. The rabbi did not lose his cool, not only did he not exhibit any anger or ill feelings towards the caregiver but he thanked her with a smile of appreciation. He put in another order of the hand made shmurah matzos. There are many important things to learn from this story, no wonder why it is so special. 

Getting back to what happened to me this week, I held back the pain that I had. I walked away from the dancing to sit down. I did not display that I was in pain especially to the bachor who accidentally kicked me, or to anyone else who asked me. Of course, I told the bachor I was feeling much better and would be able to return to dance. I told him it was an accident and Baruch H I was feeling a lot better. He was so relieved. Was I still in pain and my response was yes but I made the best of it and enjoyed the remainder of the wedding. I thanked H for giving me the koach to be mesameiach the chassan.  Getting back to the sheva berachos, my response was to laugh and have the two laugh with me. I mentioned I could have the jacket cleaned. Besides, the wine and cream probably did some good for the conditioning of the jacket. I gave a lick to see if the jacket sleeve tasted good. It is truly important to be caring, understanding and not to lose one’s “cool”. No one is perfect. We all have certain feelings but we have to try to have a pleasant demeanor and not to be judgmental. The essence of having shalom is not only in the bayis but should be part of our psyche. No one is perfect. We all have our ups and our down but we must never take our frustrations out on our spouses or friends.  

Being mevater, to overcome ill feelings is so important. To be able to shrug off those ill feelings or not to have ill feelings is even better. To be able to internalize and want to be forgiving is another wonderful midah. It is all part of caring for others. It is important to be sympathetic. In the case of my jacket sleeve or being kicked on my ankle, it was important to take into consideration how “bad” the bachur felt having been the cause of hurting me, also, the two who were trying to help “clean up” my sleeve. It was important to sincerely convey that I  forgave them, that I was ok and that it wasn’t that bad after all. 

Hakadosh Baruch Hu want us to be happy, to enjoy all the good he does for us and to enhance our lives with His kindness and goodness. To follow in His footsteps is to follow in His ways. Therefore, it is important to fill our lives with meaning and purpose. 

We as rabbonim, rebbetzins and chaplains can be very influential in conveying and imbuing kindness and goodness and how much the Ribono shel Olam loves us and wants to send us Mashiach. With our emunah, our faith, and our betachon, our trust in H, everything is possible.

From: Be Inwardly Happy

By: Rabbi Shemuel Houminer. Faith and Trust. Published by Quantum Press.

Pages 20, 21 “Iyov cried out,” For the thing which I feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of has come to me” (Iyov 3:24). This verse teaches us that one should not be fearful or lament and become depressed for no reason [as did Iyov]. Instead, one should always be inwardly happy to do the will of his Creator, trusting in Him and waiting for Him to, out of pure kindness and mercy, shower on him blessing and goodness and everything he needs to serve G. (Eved Ha-melech).a

From: True Happiness

(ibid) Pages 24,25) “The one who trusts in G is always happy, as the verse says, “Let our hearts rejoice, for we have trusted in His holy name”  “Ki vo yismach libeinu ki vesheim kadsho vatacnu”. (Tehillim 33:21) ( Eved Ha-melech)

From: True To Self

By: Rebbe Nachman of Breslev.
Prayers for Everyday and Not – So- Everday Moments.
Jewish Lights Publishing, Page 111
“True To Self
My G
My G
teach me to be true
to myself.
Never let me be swayed
by the approval
or the disapproval
of others.
Help me learn to depend
On no one but You,
and to look nowhere
but within
to come to know
my true self-
that person-I really am.”

Sincerely, Rabbi Yehuda Blank