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Rabbi Yehuda {Leonard} Blank MS, BCC
Vice President of Professional Development and External Affairs
Chair of the Chaplaincy Commission
Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim
917-446-2126 rablenblank@gmail.com
*January 9, 2025, Teves 9, 5785*
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Disappointment- It was meant to be- It was Min HaShamayim-Gam zu letova.
Without a positive outlook in life, disappointments can bring unhappiness.
The importance of gratitude, hope and happiness.
Emunah and Bitachon
A lot of planning went into the preparations for a conference that was to take place January 9th, 2025. This conference was publicized through the Rabbinical Alliance of America, the Rabbinical Council of America, the National Council of Young Israel, the Orthodox Jewish Healthcare Chaplains Listserv and many other venues. The Honorable Rabbi Jacob Goldstein, Rabbi David Ani and Rabbi Dr. Doniel Kramer had prepared intensive informative presentations about Military and VA Orthodox Jewish Chaplaincy. On a personal note, I was intrigued about military chaplaincy. I have colleagues who served in various war zones and classmates who served in the military. Towards the end of the Vietnam War deferments were ending. My number to be drafted was in the first 100 but the war came to an end. In recent years, I have ministered to veterans and performed funerals of veterans including at the Long Island National Cemetery. I was fortunate to have colleagues who served in the military as chaplains who I learned a lot from. Though I did not serve my country as a military chaplain, I surely can proudly say I have served my country as a uniformed police department chaplain. Years ago I applied for a position as a chaplain for the VA. All of my requirements for the position as chaplain for the VA were met and accepted. However, at those times there were no openings in NYC so I decided to seek other positions. I could say or I should say the Ribono shel Olam had other plans for me. On behalf of Rabbi Mirocznik of the RAA, Rabbi Penner of the RCA and Rabbi Warshaw of the NCYI we offer our thanks to Rabbi Goldstein, Rabbi Ami and Rabbi Kramer for the preparations they made and offer them our brachos for continued hatzlacha in all of their endeavors. Rabbi Kramer has been a close colleague of mine and the Administrator of the Orthodox Jewish Healthcare Chaplains Listserv as well as the Chair of the Rabbinical Council of America’s Chaplaincy Commission and one of our distinguished presenters for this conference. My relationship with Doniel goes back to my early days with the RCA when I was their Chair of the Chaplains Commission. He has been a wonderful chaver, mentor and co-chair of a number of our conferences. I therefore have gratitude for the conference that almost was and B E H hopefully will take place sometime after Pesach. Looking back at the past, one should be happy at what was accomplished and look ahead with hope of what will be, not what won’t be.
Returning to the beginning of this article, with all that went into the preparations, do I have any regrets, any feelings of sadness, of disappointment? Absolutely not! Should I say this conference will definitely take place after Pesach which would make me feel good? We always say B’ezras H or Im Yirtza H and of course Bli Neder without a promise. We could always hope for the best. We could and should make whatever preparations for future and forthcoming events. We do that all the time but with the knowledge that everything depends on what H wants come pre-Pesach time. Then we can pick up once again and make plans for the conference to take place. (By the way, this year Erev Pesach is on a Shabbos). However, we are speaking about three months from now. It is important to have a positive outlook in life and be mispallel for maysim tovim and hatzlacha for our present and future endeavors. We are mispallel for good health, for simchas hachaim. As rabbis, rebbetzins and chaplains, we have to be a source of encouragements with words that are practical and meaningful. We cannot assume things will change for the better but we can imbue the essence of prayers, offering whatever help or resources are available. Of course, it is natural for a person to be disappointed when things he/she was hoping for do not work out. It is also not unusual for a person to feel he/she is at fault or the cause of the disappointment of what did not work out.
Finding hope and having a positive attitude after disappointment isn’t always easy.
Disappointment comes when you expect something to happen or be true, and your expectation is unfulfilled. You’re let down by the circumstance or the person, causing you to feel deeply sad or betrayed.
You may have a sense of loss or regret. There may be a period of mourning.
Mourning is all normal, and you can learn how to move on.
On the other end of disappointment, there is hope. This is where you can find new perspectives and possibilities. You can learn from the experience and explore how you might behave differently next time. Staying positive and hopeful is a chance for a new beginning.
There are all kinds of disappointments — from not winning the lottery, a shidduch that did not work out, from learning your boss chose someone else to get the promotion that you wanted, etc.
A lot of major and minor events can cause disappointment.
When something important to you doesn’t work, you are naturally disappointed.
However, being supportive with inspiration, hope, emunah and bitachon can be helpful.
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“The Merit of Trusting H.
Parshas Beshalach
Posted on January 22, 2018 (5778) By Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier | Series: The Shmuz on the Parsha
And H said to Moshe, “Why shout at Me? Speak to the Jewish People and they should cross. Shemos 14:15
After months of witnessing the hand of H, the entire Jewish nation — three million strong — marched out from slavery to freedom with flourish and fanfare.
Escorted by clouds of glory, walking through a desert made smooth by overt miracles, they travelled as one. It seemed that the troubles of the Jewish people were finally behind them, and they were being escorted to their final redemption . . . until the clouds directed them to a dead end – the sea. Stopping there, the Jewish people looked up and saw Mitzraim chasing after them. With nowhere to turn, they waited while Moshe called out to H. H answered back, “Moshe, why do you cry out to Me? Speak to the Jewish people and let them travel.” At that point, the entire nation crossed the Yam Suf.
Rashi is bothered by the expression that H used: “the Jews need only travel.” What did H mean by that? How could they travel when an entire sea was in the way? Rashi explains that H was saying there is nothing that will stop the Klal Yisroel because they are worthy of the greatest miracles ever known to man. Rashi then enumerates the reasons that they are so worthy. 1. The merit of the Avos. 2. Their own merit. 3. The merit of the trust that they had in H at that moment.
How is trusting in H a merit equal to the Avos?
The difficulty with this Rashi is that he lists all three reasons in same breath as if they are equal, and clearly they aren’t. The first two, the merit of the Avos and the Jews’ own merit, refer to overall perfection across the gamut of human activity. The Avos were living, breathing Sifrei Torah. We learn from their every action and thought. Their combined merit is hard to imagine. And even the second cause, the merit of the entire Jewish people, was stupendous. While not every member had remained on the highest level, as a nation they had remained loyal to H. After spending months witnessing H’s direct involvement in their lives, they had grown to great levels across many different areas: chessed, emunah, ahavas Yisroel, emes… How can we compare one single aspect — their trust in H — to the merit of the Avos or to the merit of all of their actions put together? It would seem to be dwarfed by comparison. Yet Rashi put these together as if they are all equal reasons that H would create miracles for the Jewish people.
H’s involvement in the world
The answer to this question is based on understanding H’s relationship to this world. The Chovos Ha’Levovos explains that because H created this world, H feels a responsibility, if it could be, to sustain it. Much like if I invite you to my home, it is my obligation as host to take care of your needs, so too H feels almost obliged to support all of His creations. However, there are different levels to H’s direct involvement in the running of this world, what the sefer Derech H calls “hashgacha klalis” and “hashgacha pratis.”
Hashgacha klalis, or general intervention, refers to H’s involvement in the “big picture” issues: famine, war, epidemics, natural catastrophes, and maintaining the multitude of systems that allow for life as we know it. It is a given that H is constantly and permanently involved in the running of this world at that level. However, the specific details and the day-to-day running of the world H has given over to a host of forces that He created and maintains, but allows to actually carry out the laws that He set. These forces determine much of the outcomes that befall humanity.
Hashgacha Pratis, or personal intervention, is very different. This refers to H’s personal involvement in a nation’s or a person’s life. It includes H actually supervising directly, watching over and taking care of the needs of those individuals.
General intervention is a given; it is something that H assures to all of creation as a birthright. Personal intervention is quite different; it must be earned. By dint of being the children of the Avos, the Jewish nation merits personal intervention — provided they keep certain conditions. One of these is that they must recognize Who runs the world. In this regard, it functions on a continuum. The more a person trusts in H, the more, if it could be, H feels an obligation to take care of that person, and the more H will be directly involved in that person’s life. It is almost as if H says, “How can I not take care of him, he relies on Me, he trusts in Me.
This seems to be the answer as to why the “merit of their belief in H” was so pivotal at Krias Yam Suf. In terms of the objective weight, there is no comparison between the merits of the Avos and their current trust in H, but trust in H operates on a different level. It alone can be the reason that H will save a people. It was almost like H was saying, “How can I not take care of them? They trust in Me. They rely on Me. I have to save them.” And that trust alone was reason enough to split the sea.
The reward for Trust – H takes care of us
This is a powerful lesson to us in the effect of trusting in H. While we are obligated to act in the ways of this world, we are equally obligated to trust in H. We have to go out and do our part, follow the laws of nature, knowing all the while that exactly that which H has decreed will come about — no more, no less, no sooner, no later.
However, the amount of our trust in H will directly affect how much H will intercede on our behalf, and this may have a huge difference in many situations. For example, there may be times when we don’t warrant receiving that which we need. Whether it’s health, success, or sustenance, it may well be that according to the letter of the law, we don’t special assistance, and certainly not the right to ask H to intervene on our behalf. In that situation, it may be our trust in H alone that will bring us H’s help. When we rely on H and trust in Him, H, if it could be, thereby feels almost obligated to take care of us.
Trust in H is the basis of our belief system. It is also one of the most comforting thoughts that a human can come to. And it is also one of the most effective ways for us to secure H’s direct involvement in our lives — even in a manner that we might not otherwise deserve.”
HOPE
“Hope can help us manage stress and anxiety and cope with adversity. It contributes to our well-being and happiness and motivates positive action. Hopeful people believe they can influence their goals, that their efforts can have a positive impact. Hope seeks to change matters for the better, while happiness seeks to maintain the ‘good’ status quo. Hope encourages us to persist, even though we may be facing setbacks. Hopeful individuals are more likely to frame difficulties as challenges, rather than threats.”
The Journal of Positive Psychology
Volume 14, 2019 – Issue 3
Gratitude predicts hope and happiness: A two-study assessment of traits and states
Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet, Fallon J. Richie, Lindsey M. Root Luna & Daryl R. Van Tongeren
Pages 271-282 | Received 17 Sep 2016, Accepted 13 Dec 2017, Published online: 15 Jan 2018
Abstract
“Gratitude is the appreciation of a gift received; happiness is the enjoyment of a present good; and hope is the desire for a valued future. Two studies investigated gratitude as a predictor of hope and happiness. In Study 1, hierarchical regressions (N = 181) revealed that trait gratitude exceeded other constructs (forgivingness, patience, self-control) in predicting trait hope and happiness. In Study 2, we experimentally tested the impact of a gratitude-related writing intervention on state hope and happiness. Participants (N = 153) first wrote about a current, meaningful, hoped-for outcome and completed state hope and happiness measures. Participants were randomly assigned to either (a) gratefully remember a past hope that had been fulfilled or (b) a control condition. The grateful remembering condition (vs. control) prompted significant increases in state hope and happiness, commending grateful remembering as a practice that can bolster present happiness and hope for the future.”
Why Hope Matters
Hoping we can make things better is the secret to doing so.
Posted February 5, 2019 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
“THE BASICS
My first November as a professional writer wasn’t an easy one. My only client failed to pay his bill, I was receiving more rejections than assignments, my arthritis was flaring and my cat got $1,200-worth-of-vet-bills sick. I didn’t know how I was going to make my house payment and my stomach was upset. I stopped sleeping. But, I never stopped hoping. I believed that I could make this writing business work, and I set to work making that happen.
Hope Comes With the Possibility of Something Better
Hope implies that there is the possibility of a better future, according to the famed hope researcher C.R. Snyder. It shows up at the worst possible time when things are dire and difficult, but can keep us going during those hard moments. If during the difficulty, we can see the faint glimmer of something better, then hope “opens us up,” says Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychology researcher. And turn us toward something better.
Hope is not a passive exercise in wishing, but an active approach to life, arising when there is something we want when we’ve got a clear goal in mind. And though it may be tough going, we’ll develop a plan to get us closer to where we want to go.
My goal was to be a full-time writer. My plan included sending out dozens of queries each week, writing every day, working with a mentor, taking classes. I taught to make ends meet. Did some public relations work, wrote at night. And, I was willing to take an early-morning job delivering papers if I needed. Anything to leave time to write.
Through each of these actions, I made a little progress. Experienced a little success. Made a little money, sold a short article, became a better writer. Those things kept me hoping, and that hope motivated me to keep working toward the ultimate goal.
Hope is motivating for me, even now, 23 years later. It’s not a delusional wishing things away, but a clarity of vision. Once you have your goal in mind, then you can get busy doing the things you need to get there. It helps me feel more empowered and less stressed.
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And right now, that matters more than ever. Looking at the challenges we face, the hostility and adversity that seems to be seeping into the corners of our culture, the hope that we can make a positive difference in our families and communities can help us do it. Can help us move from the negative into something a little better.
Hope Helps Us Keep Going
Research indicates that hope can help us manage stress and anxiety and cope with adversity. It contributes to our well-being and happiness and motivates positive action. Hopeful people believe they can influence their goals, that their efforts can have a positive impact. They are also more likely to make healthy choices to eat better or exercise, or do the other things that will help them move toward what they are hoping for.
Then, other positive emotions such as courage and confidence (self-efficacy) and happiness emerge. They become our coping strategy, the emotions crucial in helping us survive. They allow us to take a wider view, become more creative in our approach and problem solving, and retain our optimism.
Hope isn’t delusional. It isn’t denial. It doesn’t ignore the real challenges, details of the diagnosis, or dwindling money in the checking account. It is not woo-woo thinking.
It doesn’t ignore the trouble, or make excuses, or deny danger. It is not pretending. It is acknowledging the truth of the situation and working to find the best way to cope. It’s showing up and working through the hard stuff, believing that something better is possible. It’s resilient.
We can prime ourselves to hope, to move closer to optimism and action. Here’s how:
Seek inspiration and awe. Research by psychologist Dacher Keltner, PhD., shows that when we are so moved by something that we can hardly find the words to talk about it we are experiencing awe and that creates meaning, and positive feeling which contributes to a sense of hopefulness that can keep us moving forward. Awe reminds us of something bigger and vast. Causes us to slow down, think about what’s important to us, and connect in a deeper way. I feel it every time I look at the ocean, and there is nothing more hopeful to me than watching the waves, roll in an out no matter what’s going on around them.
Re-identify your goals. Maintaining a clear vision about what’s important and what we want to contribute and achieve also contributes to hope. When you are reminded of your big goals, the things that drive you to get up in the morning, you reconnect with your deeper values. Then, you’re more likely to persist because the process—the lifestyle that comes from living close to your values—helps you prevail despite obstacles.
Appreciate the setbacks and move through them. Hope is strengthened exponentially when you hit a setback and you persist despite it. Next time you run up against one, pay attention to what it offers you—a growth opportunity, a chance to learn something you need to know to accomplish your goals—then move through that challenge.
We all know tough times are going to come. Maybe you are in one now. Hope reminds us that we can continue and despite challenges, and pursue greater possibilities.
That’s a powerful feeling. One that keeps us moving instead of staying stuck in the despair.
It worked for me early on in my career—I did make the house payment, I’m s self-employed, still writing. Still HEALTH
Psychology Today
5 Ways Hope Impacts Health & Happiness
5 ways the science of hope influences the way you work and life
Psychology Today Posted March 5, 2013
When was the last time you lost your way? Maybe you experienced a job loss, divorce, or an illness. How did you get back on track? I used to think about hope as just another fluffy, positive emotion, present for a short period of time then disappearing. It wasn’t until I lost my own way that I realized the importance of hope. I burned out after practicing law for seven years, and toward the end of my practice, I couldn’t figure out the next steps in my career. I had no idea what to do next and realized that I had lost my way. I needed to re-craft a new Point B.
How hopeful are you? Have you considered how, or even whether, hope impacts your family, work, or health? Did you know that there is a science of hope? These are just some of the questions Dr. Shane Lopez asks you to consider in his new book, Making Hope Happen.
Dr. Lopez outlines why hope matters in the following five key areas:
Hope and Absenteeism
Absenteeism is a huge problem facing corporations, which lose billions of dollars each year when employees fail to show up for work. In a study of mechanical and electrical engineers at a Fortune 100 tech company, the high-hope engineers, on average, missed less than three days of work in a twelve-month period. The low-hope engineers missed, on average, more than ten days of work in that same period of time. (1)
Hope and Productivity
Hope and productivity go hand-in-hand. I suspect that on the days you get the most done you have a strong sense of what your goals are combined with the energy to accomplish what you want. Dr. Lopez summarizes the research as follows: “Hopeful salespeople reach their quotas more often; hopeful mortgage brokers process and close more loans; and hopeful managing executives meet their quarterly goals more often.” (2)
Hope and Happiness
The three elements of hope include having goals (seeking out where you want to go), feeling empowered to shape your daily life, and identifying multiple avenues toward making your goals happen. Working toward meaningful life goals is one of the most important strategies happy people utilize. In one study, hope proved to be a strong predictor of satisfaction, leading the study’s authors to suggest that hope is a symptom of happiness. (4)
Hope and Your Health
What kinds of choices do you make about your health on a daily basis? Most of us will be impacted by a serious illness, whether it happens personally or to a loved one. A number of studies indicate that hopeful people tolerate pain better than their less hopeful peers. (5) When it comes to children and how well they follow doctor’s orders, a child’s level of hope is a significant predictor of those who actually follow what the doctor says. (6)
Hope and Aging
Hope can help you make life worth living. When my grandma passed away in 2004, I could tell the point at which she gave up hope. Research shows that hopelessness is a strong predictor of mortality, and those folks who said they felt hopeless were more than twice as likely to die during the study follow-up period than those who were more hopeful. (7)
How hopeful you are has important work and life implications. It impacts how well you age, how you take care of your health, and how productive you are at work. Being a hopeful thinker about the future will help you build your resilience and give you yet another tool for handling stress, change, and adversity.
Paula Davis-Laack, is an internationally published writer and travels the globe as a stress and resilience expert. She has helped train nearly a thousand professionals on how to manage their stress by building a set of specific skills designed to increase personal resilience. Paula will soon launch a new online magazine to provide busy professionals with the latest tools, tips and information about how to manage stress and build strong, happy, and healthy lives.
Connect with Paula on Twitter at www.twitter.com/pauladavislaack or via email at paula@marieelizabethcompany.com.__
References1. Avey, J.B., Patera, J.L., & West, B.J. (2006). The implications of positive psychological capital on employee absenteeism. 13 Journal of Leadership and Organizational Studies, 42-60.
- Lopez, S.J. (2013). Making hope happen: Create the future you want for yourself and others. New York: Atria Books.
- Ibid.
- Gallagher, M.W., & Lopez, S.J. (2009). Positive expectancies and mental health: Identifying the unique contributions of hope and optimism. 4, Journal of Positive Psychology, 548-56.
- Synder, C.R. et al. (2005). Hope against the cold: Individual differences in trait hope and acute pain tolerance on the cold pressor task. 73 Journal of Personality, 287-312.
- Berg, C.J., Rapoff, M., Snyder C.J., & Belmont, J.M. (2007). The relationship of children’s hope to pediatric asthma treatment adherence. 2 Journal of Positive Psychology, 176-84.
- Stern, S., Dhanda, R., & Hazuda, H. (2001). Hopelessness predicts mortality in older Mexican and European Americans. 63 Psychosomatic Medicine, 344-51.
From: The Power of Hope
The One Essential of Life and Love
By: Rabbi Maurice Lamm. Rawson Associates Scribner,
Simon & Schuster Inc., Page 16 “Hope Therapy” “One of the magical qualities of hope is its ability to silently reformulate itself to adapt to changing conditions. It defies logic; presses for life when life is impossible; turns us to the future when we are tempted to stop and wrestle with the past, and then moves us to begin that future. It makes us talk success in the presence of fear; encourages us to leap over obstacles; enables us to recoup it after we lose it, and then miraculously adjusts itself to suit our every change!”
We pray to H to help guide us so that we as rabbis, rebbetzins and chaplains can be an inspiration to all those who we minister to.
From: Between Me & You
Heartfelt Prayers f or Each Jewish Woman
Compiled and adapted from the prayers of Rav Noson Strenhartz,
by Yitzchok Leib Bell. Published by: Nachas Books, Jerusalem/New York.
Pages 143-142.
“Love.
Dearest G
May I always feel part of You,
And cherish the great love
You have for us, Your holy people.
You chose us and raised us.
Your love for us clothes itself
In Your Mitzvot,
Which attach us to Your holiness.
Yours is a true love, without limit,
Instilled in the Torah and mitzvot
That You gave us
Through Moses our teacher.
Please help me carry out Your will
With loving desire,
So that I can recognize the true love
Hidden in the secrets of Your Torah.
G, I appreciated
That the great love between us
Is beyond all time and space.”
From: Faith and Trust
Be Inwardly Happy
By : Rabbi Shemuel Houminer, Published by Quatum Press, Distributed by
Feldheim Publishers. Pages 20-21. “Iyov cried out, “For the thing which I had feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of has come to me.” (Iyov 3:24). This verse teaches us that one should not be fearful or lament and become depressed for no reason [as did Iyov]. Instead, one should always be inwardly happy to do the will of his Creator, trusting in Him and waiting for Him to, our of pure kindness and mercy, shower on him blessing and goodness and everything he needs to serve G.”
(Ibid) “True Happiness, Pages 24-25, The one who trusts in G is always happy, as the verse says, “Let our hearts rejoice, for we have trusted in His holy name.” (Tehillim 33:21). (Eved Ha-melech)”
Sincerely, Rabbi Yehuda Blank