Rabbi Yehuda {Leonard} Blank MS, BCC
Vice President of Professional Development and External Affairs
Chair of the Chaplaincy Commission
Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim
917-446-2126 rablenblank@gmail.com
<> November 14, 2024, Cheshvan 13, 5785 <>
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The importance of honesty. The importance of kindness. The importance of
seeking goodness and not machlokes, controversy,
whenever and however possible.
Sensitivity training of staff at a SNF to have kindness, compassion and
understanding of patients with dementia.
The calm professor who lost his cool.
Fulfilling H’s commandments like Avraham Avinu even when not fully
understanding why they are important.
How Avraham Avinu and Sara Imeinu showed their love for H
and for all human beings.
Mi Keamcha Yisrael and Chaveirim Kol Yisrael saving lives for all our
Jewish brethren anyplace in the world including Amsterdam.
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PLEASE READ THE BRAND NEW FLYER AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS
ARTICLE ABOUT THE LATEST PROGRAM
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The importance of sensitivity training for staff such as understanding patients with dementia who might say things from their past that might be derogatory, discriminatory or use language that was vulgar. The need for patience and understanding and how to give care to a patient who is just plain nasty. I always showed and gave my support to the staff. I also sympathized with them and gave them examples on how to respond, what to say or not say and how to “hold it in” and still give the appropriate care. I also offered suggestions on how, when and where to “get it off their chest” without exploding in front of their patients. The staff appreciated my understanding and support, never making light of their concerns and their sometimes anger of how a patient could be so nasty while going through physical and emotional and anguish. I understood intellectually where those patients came from, why they said what they did. Being empathetic, compassionate, and understanding was very important. Truthfully to see those men and women in their state of mind or their state of physical pain and suffering was not easy, I tried to imbue those thoughts and feelings of compassion and patience in the staff. It was not always easy but I would not give up. Somehow, I always felt I could reach their souls. My interest, caring and feelings for my fellow human beings, regardless of their background, ethnicity, language or religion has been a stalemate of mine. So much of this, I learned from my parents, my Rebbe and especially Avraham Avinu and Sara Imeinu. At my father’s funeral, the chapel was filled with Chasiddish and Litvish Rabbonim and men and women of diverse backgrounds. They all loved and respected my father for his tremendous gentleness, respect, kind deeds and care he gave to so many from our neighborhood and beyond. Aside from his integrity and honesty he was such a kind human being who loved Yiddishkeit and the Ribono shel Olam. He was my role model who I wanted to emulate. By the way, he had a wonderful sense of humor and a kind word to one and all, but never ever did he speak loshon hora, or nivel peh (vulgarity) . He always found ways to bring calmness and never machlokes- anger or controversy. The word that was and still is important is to always to be sincere.
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The calm professor who lost his cool.
There is an interesting story of a professor who shared his knowledge and wisdom on how to diffuse controversy and anger. He always came across as the calm professor who gave examples of the importance of having a calm household, no screaming, just calmness. One day, a student went to his apartment to speak to his professor who encouraged his students to call him up if they had any concerns about family relationships and keeping a calm home even in difficult times. Well, when this student came to his professor’s front door (mind you, he never called in advance to ask) this student received the surprise of his life when he heard screaming and pots and pans flying. “I guess my professor is not so cool after all.” The student rang the doorbell, and the professor opened the door and shouted, “who is here and what do you want.” When he realized it was one of his students he got the shock of his life and he calmed down as fast as possible putting his arm around his student. The rest of the story is for my readership to guess what was said or what happened next. The moral of this story- practice what you preach!
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From: Darash Moshe
“Lech Lecha Meiartzcha”
“Go for yourself from your land(12:1)”
By Rabbi Moshe Feinstein. Artscroll Judaica Classics Page 30-31. “Rashi comments that it was for Abraham’s own benefit that H commanded him to pick up and leave his land. In Haran, H told him, he would not merit the many blessings H planned to bestow on him. If so, why was leaving H listed among the ten trials with which Abraham was tested? It is common for people to relocate for economic reasons, even though they have no assurance that they will be successful in their new locations. Why should we think that Abraham, who had a Divine promise of success for himself and his posterity, who Divine promise of success for himself and his posterity, would hesitate to comply with H’s commandment to move?
We can say that Abraham’s trial was whether he would have second thoughts about obeying a command whose logic he could not see. While he certainly had no doubt that H would fulfill His promise, there was room for him to wonder why he had to go to the great trouble of moving with his family to a distant land, when H could just as easily have granted the same blessing there in Haran. Even the simplest demand can be difficult to fulfill if one does not understand the reason for it; how much more difficult it is when the de1mand involves uprooting one’s whole life to move to a strange and distance place. By refusing to entertain any of these thoughts and simply trusting that H had a good reason to do as He did, Abraham passed this test. Such was Abraham’s greatness, as H later expressed on the command (17:1): walk before Me- even though you do not understand the need for what I tell you to do, do it solely because I command it.
At the Akeidah, Abraham underwent a similar, though much more difficult trial. In commanding him to bind Isaac as an offering on the altar, H seemed to be contradicting His earlier promise (21:12), through Isaac will offspring be considered yours. While remaining complete in his faith that H would fulfill His earlier promise, Abraham nonetheless brough Isaac to the altar wholeheartedly, without a single doubt. This trial, though far greater , had many similar aspects to the one Abraham faced in leaving Haran, since it was much more difficult to contemplate slaughtering his beloved son. By showing himself ready to fulfill both of these commands, difficult as they were, with a full heart, he earned that merit of having the first blessing of Shemoneh Esrei conclude with his name, Magein Avraham, the Shield of Abraham, to teach us that the essence of mitzvos is to perform them in this fashion, unquestioningly and with a full heart.”
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From: Lech Lech
Avoiding Machlokes
By Rav Avraham Pam: Shabbos with Rav Pam, by Sholom Smith. Artscroll Series, Mesorah Publications Ltd. Pages 38-41. “And there was quarreling between the herdsmen of Avram’s livestock and the herdsmen of Lot’s livestock -and the Canaanim and Perizzim were then dwelling in the land. So Avram said to Lot: Please let there be no strife between me and you and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we are kinsmen. Is not all the land before you? Please separate from me. If you go left, then I will go right; and if you go right, then I will go left” (13:7-9).
The Gemara (Avodah Zarah 25a) describes Chumash Bereishis as the Sefer HaYashar), the Book of the Upright, because it describes, in great detail, the lives and character traits of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, who were called Upright. Only three of the 613 mitzvos of the Torah are found in the 1534 pesukim of Chumash Bereishis. Yet, a careful analysis of the lives of the forefathers and the Shevatim gives many insights into the proper behavior required of a Jew in all situations of life: the good times as well as the bad ones, in success and n failure, in periods of joy and in periods of tragedy, dealing with wealth as well as poverty, and in the blessings of youth as well as the decline of old age.
Each of the forefather’s personalities a particular aspect of avodas H. Avraham, the father of the Jewish people, made chesed his life’s work. It is generally assumed that the Torah’s description of this trait of Avraham’s begins in Parshas Vayeira, which depicts in great detail how Avraham performed hachnasas orchim for the three wayfarers who came to his tent. But this assumption is incorrect. A major, often overlooked, aspect of Avraham’s trait of chesed is in his reaction to the dispute between his shepherds and those of Lot. The shepherds of Avraham criticized those of lot for grazing their flocks on other people’s property. Lot’s shepherds rationalized their behavior by claiming they were entitled to do so. Had not H promised Avraham the Land? Wasn’t Lot the childless Avraham’s heir apparent?
Rashi explains that this claim was false since Avraham had not yet received title to the land: the Canaanim and Perizzim were then dwelling in the land. When Lot did nothing to stop his shepherds, Avraham gave him an ultimatum: Please separate from me! Although Avraham was Lot’s uncle, and success had not come because of Avraham (see 13:5), Avraham graciously gave Lot the first choice of which way to go: If you go left, then I will go right; and if you go right, then I will go left. Avraham “bent over backwards” to part with Lot on peaceful terms. He was afraid the Riv, quarrel, between their respective shepherds would escalate into a Meriva strife, between families.
Avraham’s conduct is an expression of his attributes of chesed. Chesed comes from ahavas haberiyos, a love for fellow human beings and a baal chesed is a person who constantly looks at others with a kind, considerate “eye”. A baal chessed is a pursuer of peace” and goes out of his way to avoid becoming involved in disputes with other people.
Avraham appealed to Lot, “We are kinsmen. We are brothers and we want to remain on good terms with each other.” Thus, he spoke softly to Lot and offered him first choice of a homestead as long as peace would prevail. The Gemara (Sanhedrin 7a) quotes a folk-saying that a person who remains silent and avoids getting involved in a machlokes, even when he is denigrated by others, will spare himself a hundred misfortunes. If one carefully contemplates the snowballing effect of a machlokes, the number “100” may even be a conservative estimate.
Many times, the cause of a machlokes is kavod, pride. One person embarrasses another one and the ashamed one wants to retrieve his tarnished honor and regain his reputation. That is often the catalyst for a machlokes. But Mishlei (20:3) has already taught that abstention from quarrel is a man’s honor, that a person’s kavod is enhanced by getting involved in a dispute. Even if the victim feels justified in reacting to a sharp comment or verbal attack, he will gain nothing. People don’t always notice who the wrong party is. All they see is the venom that machlokes produce and both sides, right and wrong alike, lose respect in the eyes of the onlookers.
Chida, in his Lev David (CH.16), writes that a home where there is machlokes is the Mishkan Hasitra Achara, dwelling place of the Satan. He quotes the Gemara (Gittin 52a) which tells about two people whom the Satan regularly incited every Erev Shabbos to fight with each other. R’Meir came to that town and restrained them from fighting for three such periods until he made peace between them. He then overheard the Satan saying, “Woe is to me that R’Meir has removed me from my house!”
Fron this Gemara one can extrapolate that all the “Erevs”- Erev Shabbos. Erev Yom To, “Erev ah simcha” (the eve of a happy occasion like a chasunah, bris, bar mitzvah, etc.)- are convenient opportunities for the Satan to make and “appearance” in the home and cause a machlokes to erupt. The tension level is high on Erev Shabbos, especially on short Friday during the winter, and arguments often erupt for l’shem Shamayim reasons. The same is true for Erev Yom Tov, especially Erev Rosh Hashanah and Erev Yom Kippur, when the Satan tries especially hard to gain a foothold in the Jewish home.
Unfortunately, this “uninvited guest” is also quite busy at the time of a family simchah. How many simchos are ruined or dampened when the Satan plays on the frayed nerves and intense emotions of the ba’ale simcha, and a machlokes erupts.
There are certain situations which are especially prone to cause machlokes. The Nesivas HaMishpat warns his children in his lengthy ethical will, entitled Nachlas Yaakov, that they should avoid entering partnerships in business. He felt that such arrangements would almost inevitably lead to disagreements and arguments which could escalate to machlokes. Rav Pam would quote his mother, Rebbetzin Rochel Leah a”h (whose yahrtzeit often falls out during the Parshas of Lech Lecha), would say, “When one is alone, the neshama remains pure.”
Avoiding machlokes is an expression of the love chesesd expected of a Jew. This includes situations where preserving peace requires giving up significant amounts of money or property, as Avraham did with Lot. One should consider money spent to avoid a machlokes-which may be termed “shalom bayis gelt.” -as a mitzva no different than money spent to buy a choice esrog. This is the vital chessed lesson inherent in Avraham’s reaction to the behavior of Lot’s shepherds and is a shining example of why Chumash Bereishis is called the Sefer HaYashar, the Book of the Upright.”
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Mi Keamcha Yisrael and Chaveirim Kol Yisrael. We all need each other. The possibilities of Shalom al Yisrael are stronger than ever before. How is that so? Recently there was a terrible pogrom with Israelies who were viciously attacked in Amsterdam. It was a horrible scene to watch Jewish men and women being beaten up. They were attacked without mercy- just because they were Jewish. The Ashkenaz and Sephardic Chief Rabbis of Israel made a joint rabbinic decision because of Pikuach Nefesh for El-Al planes to fly on the Shabbat and rescue the 2,000 Israelies. These are our brothers and sisters. Boruch H all were accounted for including an Israeli who jumped into the canal to escape from being attacked.
We are mispallel to be able to overcome adversity and our adversaries. It is important to find opportunities of Kiddush H and for making achdus a reality. During the violent protests that were happening in the various universities, students took pride in wearing a kippah, a Jewish star, Tzitzis and many took pride in just saying they were Jewish. We must not find fault for those who have been fearful for their safety and did not reveal their Jewish identity. It is important not to be judgmental and to care for each other. It is important to have hope for the future and to have emunah and betachon/faith and trust in H. Avraham Avinu and Sara Imeinu have been role models for Klal Yisrael with their tremendous love of H and wonderful midos which we continue to emulate.
May we be zoche to the coming of Mashiach.
Sincerely, Rabbi Yehuda Blank
