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Rabbi Yehuda {Leonard} Blank MS, BCC
Vice President of Professional Development and External Affairs
Chair of the Chaplaincy Commission
Rabbinical Alliance of America/Igud HaRabbonim
917-446-2126 rablenblank@gmail.com
<><><><> September 5, 2024, Elul 2, 5784<><><><>
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To be mevater, to be forgiving.
Examples of making shalom.
To be sincere in what we say, in what we do and in all our relationships.
To find goodness in all of our fellow Jews no matter what
their background may be.
To be the ambassador bringing kindness to all of man and womenkind.
“A Good Pair of Ears.”
“Finding Zechuyos for Jews.”
The importance of finding good in our fellow Jews.
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“Pre-Yom Kippur inspiration for giving and asking forgiveness, excerpted from Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation’s new daily-learning book, Live the Blessing. Each chapter gives many examples of where machlokes can arise and how to avoid it. It’s like having a personal coach for living a life of harmony. Rosh Hashanah 17a.
Click below this article for the new booklet from the Chofetz
Chaim Heritage Foundation: The Hertz Family Edition
“Seek Peace, Live the Blessing. Daily lessons on how
to live in peace with family, friends and yourself.”
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Rabbis, rebbetzins and chaplains can help a person who is going through a difficult time whether it be a machlokes between spouses, loved ones, friends, patients or those who seek our guidance. Just by lending a caring ear and listening to a person’s difficulty can be helpful. Knowing what to say, how to respond and what resources to offer can often make the difference in bringing understanding, helping to bring two or more people together in shalom. I would like to share several personal experiences.
There were two Jewish business partners who broke off their relationship and turned against one another with violent threats. One partner felt the other partner was taking advantage of him and owed him money. The other partner felt otherwise and the two partners who used to be the best of friends became enemies. The accusations went so far as to go to the local precinct to the point of wanting the other partner to be arrested for stealing. At that time, I was a rabbi of a local shul and also had affiliations with the local police precinct. I was called into the precinct to see if I could mediate the situation. The precinct commander told the two to cool off and explain their situation to the rabbi. This happened quite some time ago but I remember the outcome that resulted in a meaningful resolution. I met with both partners who agreed not to throw punches or shout at each other. They agreed to the give the money in question to charity and share in the mitzva. They agreed to overcome any animosity and mistrust of each other. Honestly, it was a long time ago and I was grateful for the outcome. Most of all they decided not to bring charges against each other and left in shalom. Unfortunately, often what begins as something insignificant leads to great ill feelings and sometimes hatred. Through the years, I have come across situations where anger festers and turns into hatred amongst family members. I often found relatives of a patient in a nursing facility not wanting to visit the same time as other relatives. This caused tremendous angst for the patient. Another discerning and sad situation is when family members refuse to sit together at a funeral or at a shiva house. It is also sad when family members speak loshon harah about each other leading to sinas chenam. At one funeral, I was asked not to mention to siblings in the same breath when offering my eulogy. They would not sit together in the chapel and opted to sit on opposite ends. The situation made me very sad and I was not comfortable fulfilling their request. I decided to have a heart-to-heart conversation with both children. I asked if they could share what their relationship was with their father and if he would be alive today how much love would he have for them. Both children who were well passed their 30’s shared how much he loved them and would do anything for them at any time day or night. I asked them how much they loved their father. They shared with tears in their eyes that their love was immeasurable and would do anything to bring him back to life. I asked them what brought them to have so much animosity for each other since they both loved their father. I don’t have any magical powers as a rabbi, but both of you do have it and that magical power comes from your hearts. What if I told you that though your father is no longer alive, his Neshama, his soul, is and will hear everything that will be said today. His soul can see everything going on as well. You shared with me his love for you and your love for him, what could you possibly do today at this funeral that would make him feel good and proud of you. They both asked forgiveness from each other and decided to sit together and sit together they did – holding hands. They also asked forgiveness from their father. I chose this story with a happy ending to convey how shalom can be possible. We cannot ever give up. As the saying goes, you can win some and you can lose some but without trying, one can lose it all.
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From:
Rav Pam on Chumash
By Rabbi Sholom Smith. Artscroll Series. Mesorah Publications Ltd. Parshas Re’eh Pages 211-213 “A Good Pair of Ears” (Vayeira, 5760/1989).” You shall open up your hand to him…and provide whatever is lacking to him) Devarim 15:8). “As descendants of Avraham Avinu, the pillar of chesed, Jews are generous and caring people by virtue of their genetic makeup. (Even those Jews who tragically have thrown off the yoke of Torah and mitzvos nonetheless generally retain this trait of compassion and benevolence.) The myriad tzedakah and chesed organizations founded, administered and supported by Jews of all types of and backgrounds is further testament to the eternal imprint that Avraham stamped on the soul of the Jewish nation.
Jews constantly seek opportunities to help one another and ease the burdens borne by their fellow Jews. For example, there are literally scores of different types of gemachs (aside from the basic type whose purpose is to provide interest-free loans to the needy). These gemachs lend items that a person might need temporarily, and thus would not want to buy. There are gemachs that will lend tables and chairs for a simcha, gowns for a kallah and her siblings, and bris outfits for babies. There are Torah tape and book gemachs. There are gemachs that lend power tools for short-term use and others that lend tefillin and mezuzos to temporarily replace those that are lost or require repair. There are gemachs that will lend a Sefer Torah, siddurim, and the low chairs needed in a beis avel (house of mourning). There are gemachs for expensive medical equipment and devices necessary for recovery from illness or accident. The list goes on and on. The common denominator of all these gemachs is the ingenious ways that Jews conceive of doing acts of chesed for one another. This justifies the praise of the Jewish people in the Shemoneh Erei for Shabbos Mincha: Who is like your people Israel, one nation on earth!
In his sefer Ahavas Chesed the Chofetz Chaim stresses that it is not enough for a Jew to perform acts of chesed. He has to develop a love for chesed which will motivate him to reach for opportunities to express this most basic of Jewish Avinu. Although he was in great pain after performing bris milah on his 99-year-old body, he insisted on sitting at the entrance of the tent in the heat of the day (Beraishis 18:1) to search for wayfarers who he might be able to serve.”
An important aspect of chesed is that it is not to be administered in a “one-size-fits-all” manner. Every person is unique and has needs that must be dealt with individually. The Torah stresses this when it addresses the topic of tzedakah and chesed in Parshas Re’eh: You shall open up your hand…and provide whatever is lacking to him (Devarim 15:8). The word “him” is emphasized to underline the importance of dealing with each person as the unique individual he is (see also Kesubos 67b).
There are people who believe that acts of chesed require a great deal of money, time and talent. The result of this misconception is that they disqualify themselves from doing chesed because they lack some or all of these things. This is an unfortunate mistake because frequently all a person needs to perform chesed is a good pair of ears!
The pasuk advises, when there is worry in a man’s heart, he should suppress it (Mishlei 12:25). In commentating on this pasuk, the Gemara (Yoma 75a) offers two different methods of dealing with the varied problems and worries that are a part and parcel of life. In certain situations, a person can fight anxiety and remove it from his mind by diverting his attention from it. A second method is to share the worry or problem with others. By offering a sympathetic ear to a person who is burdened with a problem, one can perform a tremendous chesed. Often, the only relief for certain problems is that they be verbalized. The listener cannot resolve the problem or even offer constructive advice. All he can do is listen. Yet this seemingly insignificant act can bring relief to a suffering person, “tzu arup nemen dem shtein fun der hartz” (to remove the stone from the heart).
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From:
Rav Pam on Chumash
By Rabbi Sholom Smith. Artscroll Series. Mesorah Publications Ltd. Parshas Shoftim. Page 218-219. ‘Finding Zechuyos for Jews” (Kedoshim, 5754/1994)
“They shall judge the people with righteous judgment” (Devarim 16:18)
“Benei Torah have a special responsibility to find zechuyos for their fellow Jews. A ben Torah is trained to look for the merit in an incomprehensible statement of halachic opinion found in Shas or Shulchan Aruch. He will spend hours trying to resolve a contradiction in the words of the Sages or defend Rashi from the seemingly irrefutable challenges of Tosafos. He will exert great zdfxfmental energy to justify the two sides in a halachic dispute between Shach and Taz or to refute the Raavad’s critique of the Rambam. A ben Torah is taught not to judge a matter on its surface but to delve deeply into the reasoning behind a particularly puzzling statement or opinion. He knows how to take apart and carefully analyze a statement or train of thought and justify conflicting assertions and opinions. He is trained to focus on the wider picture and not automatically accept as fact that which appears to be correct at first glance He is able to see a statement of Chazal in a number of different ways and tries to justify and reconcile each approach.
Shouldn’t this Talmudic training be equally applied to everyday situations in life when the questionable actions of a person or community can be seen in different ways and yet be judged favorably? One should always try to find merit for one’s fellow Jews. This will evoke the gratitude of H and bring blessing and success to the person and his nation.
It is no coincidence that this crucial lesson is alluded to in Parshas Shoftim, which is usually the first Shabbos of the month of Elul. Elul is a time when all Jews seek merit for themselves and pray that H judge them favorably and overlook their many shortcomings. If a Jew wants H to see the merit in his own failures and mistakes, shouldn’t he try to do the same for his fellow Jew.”
May we be zoche to be the venue of bringing tremendous simchas hachaim to all of our readership and beyond.
K’siva V’chasima Tova
Sincerely, Rabbi Yehuda Blank
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